Arrangements

So as I mentioned in my last post, my mum passed away in the early hours of Sunday morning and since then, things have been a bit, well odd.  

I feel better than I thought I would and I started  feel guilty about that. But I have to give you some context. Mum had Cancer for about a year with so many complications and set backs, it isn’t even funny. About 5 weeks ago she was told that treatment was no longer an option and was told to “go home and be with your family”. 

I think I maybe started my own grieving process then as I cried and sobbed when the news was confirmed. M had to come home from work I was so upset and I had countless sleepless night and bad dreams, all the time going to work with a mind full of worry and pain. I crashed my car one morning after some nights with poor sleep and I had to take some time off to sort my head out. 

So when mum did pass, I feel sad of course, but calm – accepting almost. 

Is that wrong? Am I weird? I feel like I should almost measure how I am feeling against other members of my family, but the truth is, everyone has their own experience and there is no script for something like this.  

We have been to register her death today and organise things like the wake and food etc etc. There is so much admin whe someone dies that you really have to have your shit together at the worst possible time. Madness, 

 

g x  

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