2 years gone

Today marks 2 years since my Mum died. My lovely mum. Margaret. She was taken from us, aged 68 after a horrific year-long battle with cancer. I more or less took up blogging again when she was ill, some of which you can read here: >>2015<<

The last 3 years (1 year hellish treatment & 2 years grieving) have been very hard, but thankfully time has done its thing and after some grief counselling at the end of 2016, I do feel much more able to deal with her death and life with no mum. It’s not easy and I do feel as though her death changed me forever, but I can handle it now, well about 90%.

But mostly I am going to take today to think about mum, cry if I need to and just remember the happy times that we had. I definitely won’t remember the times she used to come around my house and point out dishes I hadn’t done, or windows I hadn’t cleaned. But of course I inevitably I will. Either way though, even though today is the anniversary of her death, I will remember her life and the many wonderful bingo games she played, rugby matches she watched and the way she loved my nieces. Gone far too soon.

Cancer is an utter bastard and I hope beyond hope that we find a cure soon.

G x

>>I’m doing Race for Life<<

*drum roll*

So…… I have decided that this year I am going to do a Race for Life. If you didn’t already know, this is a fundraising event for Cancer Research UK. It’s actually a 5k run/walk event that has grown in popularity over the last 10 years and they are now help over the Spring/Summer all around the UK.

The main reason that I want to do this is to raise some money for CRUK. My mum died in 2015 from Esophageal Cancer almost a year to the date after she was diagnosed.  What she went through was hard, no actually it was harrowing – both for her to slowly disintegrate as a person and for us as a family to watch it happen. I hate the thought of this happening to other people, so I just hope this small contribution helps in some way.

Event Details

Haydock Race Life
Saturday 16th July 11:00

I need your help

I am doing this event in the hope it will inspire you to sponsor me. I have given myself a target of £200 and I hope will your help I can smash it. 5k might not seem a lot for you but it’s my nemesis. This will be challenge I hope I can meet and I would really love it if you could sponsor me. Just follow this link and throw a few pounds my way. Even £1 could make a difference.

>>> Click here to SPONSOR ME<<<

Thank you SOOOO much, it really does mean the world to me. And in case you never got to meet her, this is my mum:

Gill xxx


Grief 15 months on

So  I think this i the last post I am going to write about grief – not because the grief has gone, but because it just feels like the right time.

My mum died in April 2015 after a 12 month cruel and harrowing battle with Oseophageal Cancer. She had many many set backs, the most serious being a broken hip after a fall in hospital, a subsequent delay in her cancer treatment and a near fatal collapse in Arrowe Park Hospital.

Her death to me was so very sad, I was on my own with her and she just drifted away.  My heart broke into a million pieces and if I am being honest, I don’t think it will never be properly healed. I mean – how am I supposed to be in a world where my mum isn’t? My world perspective changed, my sleep pattern changed and I have to be honest, I turned into a complete crier! I am now in floods at the slightest thing.

However, on a more positive note, things have greatly improved with time just proving that cliches do exist. I still do think about her most days, but I don’t find myself near tears each day. I am now able to think about her and smile and remember the happy times. For a while all I could remember was the last year of her life, which was pretty miserable and so now I look at photos and think about good stuff again.

I will always miss my mum and be a bit jealous of people that still have theirs. I am going to have to navigate the second half of my life without my mum and that is quite something to wrap my head around. Sometimes I feel adrift and if I am being honest, sometimes it’s freeing. My mum was nothing if a bit judgy sometimes – so cards on table, her not rolling her eyes at my holiday or house choices is something now that just leaves me with a wry smile.

People say that things get better with time and I hate to admit it, but they are right. Who knew.

Mum Jan 2015

Mum in Whiston Hospital February 2015.

G x

1 year gone

Margaret Esther Dixon 1946-2015

Today it’s 1 year since my mum passed away. We miss her now more than ever, although the pain is getting easier to deal with as time goes by. This year has been hard for many ways, especially getting through the 1st of everything.

I still can’t quite wrap my head around the fact that she is gone and that I will never ever speak to or see her again. Cancer is real bastard isn’t it.

Mum & I at my sister’s hen do

Mum & Me in 2011

Miss you every day mum.

G x

Easter is coming

So it’s pretty fab to know that I have only got to work tomorrow and then we have 4 glorious day off work. Yes folks, it’s Easter weekend!!! *pops a party popper*. I am not a religious person, so these next few days don’t have any spiritual significance for me, but it is definitely a time to reflect, regroup and recharge. 

Easter approaching does make me think of Easter 2015 as this was the last time my mum was in my house..

She passed away just 4 short weeks after this was taken. This Easter is also a bit different as my nieces are on a chocolate restriction as the youngest one was diagnosed Type 1 diabetic only a month ago! But despite all this, we have got a lovely weekend planned with fence painting, film watching, food eating and park walking. Can’t wait! 

G x