Dear you… yes you, the category we shall call “Boyfriends past” or BP for short. I wanted to write you a letter as I’ve realised something recently.
You were ALL a piece of sh*tGill Lysons (nee Dixon) 2019
I could literally put a full stop at the end of this and be done with it, but I thought I would explain myself first.
I haven’t had a torrid love life, although I’ve had my moments, but I was 29 before I met my M and up until then I kissed my fair share of frogs. But rather than fill you in on every gory detail, I am going to focus on just 3, letter by letter.
In 1993 I thought you were cute and I recognised you from school, you were a year below me. You came into the pub where I worked and I was really pleased when you asked me out. Our 1st date was adorable as you were shy and clearly pleased I had shown up. Cute.
But after less than a year came the fateful journey to a Preston nightclub. We agreed (you told me) that we should spend most of the night with our friends and then just get together at the end of the night. I agreed (I had no choice) and cracked on. You went missing. Your friend told me that you were being sick in the toilet and I should leave you too it. I am afeard of the vom and so was happy to oblige. You were gone a LONG time.
You re-appeared around 1am said you were feeling better and we carried on with our night. Everything seemed normal.
The next night was Sunday and so it was our tradition to do a pub crawl, if you remember, I was driving and so sober as a judge. We were with a mix of school friends and new work friends, all of which had been with us the night before. At some point during the night, my good work friend “J” said she needed a word with me and through suppressed laughter, told me she had kissed you the night before. You were behind me and just caught my hand before I instinctively slapped her across the face.
You took me (by force) outside and sat me in my car. You told me to calm down and that J was “talking sh*t” and you would go and have a word. He left me in the car but my anger bubbled again and I raced after you. You were talking to J outside the pub and this time my slap landed. You grabbed me again and marched me back to the car. You then spent an hour reassuring me that nothing had happened, it was “all lies” and I shouldn’t believe her.
I went to bed exhausted, unsure of the truth, or of how I felt. The next day, I decided to go for a walk and saw one my friends “S”. She told me “J” hadn’t told me the whole truth and not only had she kissed you but you had gone outside the nightclub to the carpark and had sex. You had then paid again to get back in and acted as if nothing had happened.
My stomach dropped and I knew what “S” was saying was right. She was a loyal old friend with no reason to lie. I went home and gathered up everything that you had ever got me, put it in a carrier bag and went round to your house. Your mum opened the door and I handed it to her, “Give N these!” I almost barked at her, she had no idea what was going on.
Later that evening, you came to my house, begging forgiveness, but not denying what had happened. You were crying. Here’s the thing N, you were crying because you were found out, not because you were sorry. You were crying because the actual person in front of you was annoyed and hurt and you were the cause of that.
I myself cried when you left and my self esteem was bruised for so very long. But you were ALWAYS a piece of sh*t. After our relationship, you started seeing a different friend of mine “K” and about 2 weeks after you started dating her, she gave me a lift. A song came on and she turned to me “Aw, this is N and I’s song”. I had to break it to her N, that it was also OUR song too. WHAT A utter B*ST*RD!
At the time, you made me feel worthless, but honestly about 4 years ago you finally gave me closure and a final reminder of what a lucky escape I had had.
I was in Tesco and I saw you, I was then happily married and I thought you were too (not to K, but another old friend). You started chatting to me whilst I picked vegetables for tea and I was polite. I mentioned one of my nieces and he noted that she had beautiful curly hair. He touched my face and stared at me and sighed “like you……” I just GLARED at him for a second as the flirting was so unexpected! I just laughed and walked away. Not long after I heard you were getting a divorce. That was 2 divorces by 35 if I heard correct?
So N, you were a piece of sh*t then and I can’t see that anything much has changed. I should have shook “J”s hand – actually no scratch that, she never even apologised, so maybe the slap was justified. I am better off without the lot of you.
Dear L (aka C)
In 1994 you pursued me. I was still working at the pub and you came in as often as you could. I used to give people a lift home and you to engineer it so you could be dropped off last and therefore be alone with me. I wasn’t interested at first, but then you wrote me the sweetest letter and I gave in.
You adored me and I fell hopelessly in love. I thought you were amazing and even you imposed a rules for when we could see each other, I reminded myself that you adored me and that you it was ok because you had chased me. When we were together, you were very sweet to me, but there were STRICT rules that I had to stick to in terms of your time. I can remember them exactly.
I wasn’t allowed to see you on certain nights as you ALWAYS saw your friends and you often weren’t free Saturday at all due to work or football. commitments. It wasn’t necessarily the amount of time I objected to, but the prescriptive and immovable way it was doled out.
On the odd occasion I was “allowed” out with you on a Saturday night, you used to stand at the bar and watch match of the day in the scruffy part of the pub. As I type this, I wonder now why the hell I didn’t tell you to get lost right there and then! 😡😡😡
I used to look forward to Grand National Days or Easter weekends where I would be “allowed” out on all day drinking sessions with the lads and I remember feeling grateful for this. Now, in 2019… this makes me sad. Why didn’t I stand up for myself? Why didn’t I just leave you?
We were together for 3 years and rules aside, all was ok….till it wasn’t. We went to Blackpool on the eve of my birthday (with the lads) on a coach trip and as the clock struck midnight and I looked to you for some sort of birthday kiss, I was sorely disappointed as you could barely pull yourself away from your pint. You got SO (selfishly) drunk and I spent the rest of the night propping you up, I should have known then. 😏
Things deteriorated and in October, we had a chat, I confronted you and gave you the opportunity to tell me what was going on… you remained silent. Cowardly I now know. Then, very suddenly, just as we were about to go on holiday, my Gran died. We went anyway (why?!) and had a miserable time. The affection had gone and yet we still didn’t break up.
Over Christmas and New Year, things finally reached breaking point when you became utterly indifferent to me for the entire festive period. We attended family and friend events as normal, but you acted like you couldn’t care less if I was there, whilst insisting all was well with you. I didn’t understand.
In the background though, unbeknownst to me things had been happening. My mum had seen you putting a girl in a taxi outside our local pub and kissing her goodbye. Not 500 yards from my flat. Also, your friend “W” knew you had been unfaithful and implored you to tell me. You didn’t.
What you DID do in January, was ignore me on a night out and I finally snapped. I pushed you to tell me what was going on, you remained silent. I asked you if there was someone else, you said no. I asked you if you still loved me… finally you answered.. no. I threw you out of the flat.
I cried for weeks.. my heart was broken and it shattered only further when my mum saw you in the local shop, buying a valentine’s card for someone else. I was gutted.
As far as I know, you stayed with the other girl and are still married. In part, I am happy for you, she was clearly your person.
But L, you treated me like sh*t. You acted like you loved me, but only were available to me when it suited you. You carried on drinking and going out with your mates like our relationship didn’t exist, you were SO selfish and cowardly too. You can’t help who you fall in love with and when you met yours, you should HAVE JUST BROKEN UP WITH ME. Instead you strung me along for months and made me feel like less of a person.
You damaged my self esteem SO much that when I met MY person, he was astonished when I couldn’t believe how nice he was being to me. He didn’t know men like you (i.e. selfish sh*ts) really existed. He’s not your biggest fan.
I am only grateful I knew you for 1 reason, your parents. You mum & dad were the kindest people I had ever met and they taught me how to love unconditionally. I still miss them and was so pleased I got to tell your mum how much, when I saw her a few weeks before I got married.
My self esteem is much restored now, no thanks to you…. You recently popped up in my Twitter feed and it seems that you are still a beer drinking, football obsessed oaf. Some people never change.
Our relationship was doomed from the start. We met in the least romantic place ever and you were a wrong ‘un from Day 1. But I fell in love (lust) and became blind to the danger.
I gave you money, bought you clothes and offered you shelter. All were asked for and received under false pretences. You needed a phone, I bought you one and you immediately sold it. You wrote me endless love letters and bought me cute soft toys. I couldn’t get enough. We couldn’t be together at first, but when the day came, I could hardly wait.
But something didn’t add up. Your stories started to unravel and my spidey senses kicked in. Not long after were had finally become an item, I dropped you off in a town on the outskirts of Greater Manchester to go and meet your family. You wouldn’t let me drive you to the door and insisted a nearby street was fine For some amazing reason (love/lust), I didn’t find this suspicious and and promised to pick you up the following day.
The next day I waited for your call, it didn’t come. Late in the afternoon I finally got hold of you and you asked me to come and get you. I did. I waited for an hour. You never came and I never saw you again.
I had been a fool and I knew it. You had deceived me and I just had been blind to it. I am sure you laughed at me whilst the deception was going on and I wish there was a way to get revenge, but you took care of that yourself. You are currently a guest of Her Majesty and I can’t say I am pleased, but I am certainly glad you aren’t around.
You did something good for me R. My eyes opened after that happened and my resolve and backbone straightened. NEVER again would I let a man treat me like dirt, I am worth SO much more than that. I had been a doormat for too long and enough was enough. You were and are, a piece of sh*t.
These are just 3 tales of my love life but despite the trauma of these, I am now ridiciously happily married. I have been with my M, 16 years this year and married for 8. These relationships took their toll on me, but thankfully they didn’t break me. When R humiliated me, I couldn’t believe it and it was the final straw.
I still have wobbles where I question myself, but for the most part, I know am I worthy of both love AND respect. Not all men are like these 3 sh*ts, and thank the Easter gods for that!