Grief 15 months on

So  I think this i the last post I am going to write about grief – not because the grief has gone, but because it just feels like the right time.

My mum died in April 2015 after a 12 month cruel and harrowing battle with Oseophageal Cancer. She had many many set backs, the most serious being a broken hip after a fall in hospital, a subsequent delay in her cancer treatment and a near fatal collapse in Arrowe Park Hospital.

Her death to me was so very sad, I was on my own with her and she just drifted away.  My heart broke into a million pieces and if I am being honest, I don’t think it will never be properly healed. I mean – how am I supposed to be in a world where my mum isn’t? My world perspective changed, my sleep pattern changed and I have to be honest, I turned into a complete crier! I am now in floods at the slightest thing.

However, on a more positive note, things have greatly improved with time just proving that cliches do exist. I still do think about her most days, but I don’t find myself near tears each day. I am now able to think about her and smile and remember the happy times. For a while all I could remember was the last year of her life, which was pretty miserable and so now I look at photos and think about good stuff again.

I will always miss my mum and be a bit jealous of people that still have theirs. I am going to have to navigate the second half of my life without my mum and that is quite something to wrap my head around. Sometimes I feel adrift and if I am being honest, sometimes it’s freeing. My mum was nothing if a bit judgy sometimes – so cards on table, her not rolling her eyes at my holiday or house choices is something now that just leaves me with a wry smile.

People say that things get better with time and I hate to admit it, but they are right. Who knew.

Mum Jan 2015

Mum in Whiston Hospital February 2015.

G x

2 thoughts on “Grief 15 months on

  1. She would be so proud of you Gill!

    Time is the best healer, and even though it doesn’t seem like it when we struggle with certain life events.. It never gets ~easier~ but it gets easier to cope and remember the positives.

    Tilly |

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