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Give yourself permission to feel whatever you feel | Dear Diary

Last night our Prime Minister announced that some parts of the South of England were being put into Tier 4, which meant that some people can’t mix households, even on Christmas Day. I live in in Tier 3 area, which means that we can mix with people, but just for Christmas Day. It sucks, it all sucks.

The reason I write this post is to remind anyone reading it, that’s it’s ok to feel whatever you feel about it all. Disappointed, sure. Sad. Yes. Relieved, it’s possible. Happy, no. All these feelings are relevant and if they are yours, then that’s all fine. One thing I don’t like is when people brush away their own feelings by telling you that their situation isn’t that bad as they know someone who has cancer/is lonely/has someone that has died/is a frontline worker etc etc.. the list goes on.

But here’s the thing. If you feel bad, no matter WHAT the circumstances, than YOU feel bad. It’s all relative. Take my particular set of circumstances. I have worked throughout the pandemic and as far as I can tell, both mine and M’s jobs are as stable as they can be. We can easily work from home. Only 1 person in our immediate and extended family has has COVID and they had a mild case. I am lucky enough to have someone who I love and more importantly like very much to be locked down with and we have managed to keep ourselves relatively entertained throughout. So you see – not doing too bad. Have I found lockdown and the restrictions of the pandemic easy? Have I fuck. Nope, not even slightly. During the lockdown periods I have felt couped up and the inability to easy to go to all the places that would do normally, has been hard. The balance of work and play has been all wrong this year and some weeks I have felt like I am on a treadmill. I miss people.

It’s been hard, I have found it hard. It’s true, other people have had far worse challenges and more downright awful times than me… but that doesn’t make MY hard times, any less hard. My terrible days are still terrible days, regardless of what anyone else is going through. Know why? Because I don’t live in anyone’s else’s house, home or head than my own. I can only experience MY feelings and if I feel like shit, then I feel like shit.

So be kind to people – it’s been rough – people feel rough. Sending a hug if you’re reading this and feel rough.

G x

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