To tell or not to tell

To tell or not to tell

You may have seen the YouTube video I filmed a couple of weeks ago about some of the Inappropriate friends that I have had? But I just thought I would write another post about something that happened to me a few years ago with possibly the most inappropriate friend ever!!

So when I worked for a charity in Manchester I had a “work friend” that I used to have quite a laugh with, she worked on reception and we always used to have a chat on my way to and from meetings and things. Over a period of time she had become increasingly unhappy in her marriage and had started to sail pretty close to the wind on nights out. This resulted in her sleeping with her husband’s best friend which was awful of course, but her life, her decision.

Her behaviour however, escalated and she signed up for one of these dodgy sites where people can meet each other for all manner of extra curricular activities. I advised her again it many times, but she was hellbent on doing whatever (and whoever) she fancied. But still, her life, her choice.

One day at work, as I walked past reception, she sort of grabbed me and dragged me into the toilet. I thought she was upset and was therefore dumbstruck when she locked the cubicle door and whipped off her top and bra. “Take a photo of my t*ts?” she asked. Apparently, had been chatting to one of her new “friends” and he had requested proof of boobage. Despite my shock, I took the photo, if only to get the hell out of there.

Later that day, she shouted me as I walked past her desk, to show me the new boots she had bought and more crucially was wearing. They were thigh high leather boots with cut outs in them to reveal an abundance of thigh – think Julia Roberts at the start of Pretty Woman. You also have to bear in mind that she worked ON RECEPTION in a busy organisation and training venue. I was mortified and just smiled and told her they were nice. She really wasn’t in a place mentally to even try to read the look of horror on my face.

I did try to talk to her a few times to see if I could at least get her to calm down a bit, but she was sort of on a roll and loving it. Also, at the end of one of these chats, she just turned on her work computer and showed me the penis of a complete stranger that she was coveting. 🙁 But it gets worse.

A few weeks later, as I was signing in at work when she grinned at me and said:

Her: Guess what I was doing at 6:30 this morning?

Me: What?

Her: Having sex in Room 1!

Me: WHAATTT?!?!?!

It seems that she had been chatting to bloke from the dodgy dating site (she was still very much married) and he was in Manchester for the night, so she had invited him to our office to hook up. It’s worth pointing out that at the time of this conversation, training delegates were having tea & coffee IN ROOM 1 before their training started. Gross squared.

As I really didn’t know what to do or say, I just laughed and retreated to my desk upstairs. I spent the whole day in a bit of a fog and the second I walked through the door at home, I told M everything. But now the question was to Tell or Not to Tell?

She had been unfaithful to her husband several times before and whilst I 100% disagreed with that, it was her choice. But having sex at work with a total stranger was crossing a massive line. She had put herself and potentially colleagues and even the entire building at risk by letting this man in at 6am. But should I tell? I was so torn. The next day I grabbed my friend Karen, who worked in the same building and told her everything. Being a step removed, Karen could see things more clearly than I could and offered to tell my work friend’s manager what had happened. What a pal – she actually became my best friend, even to this day.

The following day, I spent the morning at my desk and just before lunch, I was coming down the stairs to go out to a meeting when I saw the guilty work friend leaving the building in flood of tears. I froze half way down the stairs so she didn’t see me, but there was nothing for it, I had an appointment and HAD to go out. I crept towards my car, but just as I thought I was safe, through snot and tears, she shouted me over.

It seems they had sacked her because they had “found out she had left the building insecure” and that by letting the stranger in, she had put the building and it’s contents as risk. They had checked the CCTV and seen him arriving just after 6am and leaving a little before 8am and when she was asked who he was, she tried to say he was a financial advisor. Of course no-one believed her and even though there was no proof of what had happened in Room 1, it seems they already had a portfolio of other things that had slowly been going awry.

I felt so guilty for all of this and I sometimes still agonise over it today and I felt like my decision to tell made her lose her job. But people who were around at the time have reassured me that it was her own actions that caused her downfall. After all, this was the one time she told me about, but she could have done this lots of other times in secret. She put me at risk by telling me and being alone with this stranger at 6am was dangerous on so many levels. One friend even had a theory that she told me as she knew I would have to intervene and the outrageousness would have to stop. Not sure about that, but you never know.

I never saw the work friend again after that fateful day, well except for just once a few weeks later. I was walking from the station to work about 8:15am and I spotted her walking towards me. She tried to tell me she was going to her new job, but I don’t know many company dress codes that include sunglasses, a backless silver top, a beret and 4″ stilettos.

G x



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